Share funny stick jokes and enjoy unforgettable laughs
Tour guide
A tour bus is driving through the Highlands when the tour guide sees a sheep with its head stuck in the fence. He stops the bus and gets off, says "Look at that" and then punches the sheep.
When he's done, he zips up and asks, "Anyone else want a turn?"
Another guy on tour says "sure I will" and sticks his head in the fence.
A penguin has car trouble...
A penguin is having trouble with his car, so he stops at a mechanic to get it fixed. He tells her that it will take him about an hour to figure out what's going on. The penguin is going downtown and it's a hot day, so he stops by for an ice cream cone. He doesn't have arms to eat the ice cream, so he just sticks his beak in them. The penguin returns to the shop and the mechanic says, "Looks like you blew a seal." The penguin replies, "No, man, it's just ice cream."
A city boy visits his friend in the country.
The country boy takes his friend to his farm and says, "I'll show you what we do here for fun." So he takes one of his goats, sticks its head in the fence, and goes to work on it. When he's done, he tells the town boy, "Your turn." So the village boy walks over to the goat and sticks its head into the fence next to it.
blind pilots
An airplane prepares for takeoff with a full load of passengers as the pilot and co-pilot board, both wearing dark sunglasses and tapping sticks for guidance. The passengers are understandably uncomfortable, but they assume it must be some kind of practical joke, so they don't say anything.
As the plane begins to accelerate, the passengers see the end of the runway fast approaching, and at the end, the safe end awaits them when the pilots can't really see what they're doing. Just before the end of the runway, all the passengers shout together, just before the plane takes off. You're a little upset, but relieved that the pilots aren't really blind.
In the cockpit, the pilot turned to his co-pilot and commented, "You know, Lou, one day they're not going to yell in time, and that's when we're going to be in real trouble!"
In a hole lived 3 moles...
One day they wake up to the smell of pancakes. The first mole pokes its head out of the hole and says, "I smell pancakes!" The second mole pokes its head out of the hole and says, "I smell syrup!" The last mole tries to poke his head out of the hole, but gets stuck behind the other two, so he says, "All I smell is molasses."
A man with sticks in the middle of the city.
A man hits two sticks in the middle of a small town in an American suburb.
Another man comes up and asks, "Why are you hitting those sticks?"
The first man replies, "I keep the elephants away."
Confused, the other man says, "But there are no elephants here!"
The man with the sticks replies calmly: "You're welcome."
Two men are driving down a country road when...
...a man sees a sheep with its head stuck in the fence. he passes the truck, gets out, goes to the sheep and drops his pants and has sex... with the sheep. Once he's done, he comes back and tells his friend, "Hey, it's your turn." His friend goes to the sheep, sighs deeply, and sticks his head into the fence.
A boy walks with a cane.
when another child approaches him and starts teasing him. "Your cane stinks... and you're ugly!" The boy shrugs and asks, "You know how they say beauty is in the eye of the beholder?" "So what?" the boy answers. The boy smiles, looks directly into his eyes, and whispers, "My Sticks name is Beauty."
A millionaire, a helmet and a curmudgeon are in a bar.
When they get their beer, they notice a fly in each mug.
The millionaire politely asks the bartender for another beer and then takes a sip of the new one.
The hull drips just enough to get rid of the fly, then drinks the rest.
Now it's the curmudgeon's turn: he reaches into the beer, grabs the fly, and yells, "SPIT IT OUT! SPIT IT OUT!"
Two cowboys come out...
Two cowboys are on a dirt road when they come across a sheep with its head caught in a fence. The men stop and the first cowboy jumps off his horse and approaches the sheep. Then he takes off his pants and gets away with the sheep. When he is done, the second cowboy jumps off his horse. "It's my turn!" he exclaims and sticks his head into the fence.
What part of Popeye doesn't rust?
The ones he put in Olive Oyl.
Related topics
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You can explore Stick's Hand Reddit One Liners, including jokes and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny. Those of you with teenagers can tell them jokes about clean chopsticks. There are also chopstick word games for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
There are three moles at the bottom of your moon hole.
The first mole, daddy mole, wakes up, climbs up, sticks out his nose, and says, "Mmmmm... I smell bacon!"
Mother mole wakes up. She climbs on top, sticks out her nose, and says, "Mmmmm... I smell pancakes!"
The baby mole wakes up. He climbs in but gets stuck behind his mother and his father. He takes a big hit and says, "All I can smell is molasses!"
Alzheimer's..
This old man and this lady are sitting in a nursing home when the man turns to the woman and says, "I bet you can't guess my age." The lady says "I bet I can, drop your pants" and he does, she reaches in, feels, pulls her hand out and says "you're 83". The guy says, "WOW! That's awesome! How did you do that!?" The woman replies, "You ask me the same question every day, Frank."
a man on fire
A man fills up his car with gasoline and accidentally gets his hands in gasoline. He doesn't notice, so he lights a cigarette as he gets in the car. His arm immediately caught fire. The man reaches out of the window with his arm and begins to twist it to put out the flames that rise up his sleeve. A police officer sees the man struggling with an arm on fire and arrests him on the spot for an illegal firearm.
A man lives on the 15th floor of an apartment.
One rainy Saturday afternoon he goes out to his balcony and stretches his hand over the edge to see if it's raining or not and a glass eye falls into his hand. He looks up and there is a beautiful woman on the balcony above him who apologizes and says that she was just bending over to check the rain and her glass eye fell out. She asks him to carry it up the stairs for her, which he promptly does. As thanks, she kisses him on the mouth. Slightly shocked, he asks, "Do you do this to every guy you meet?"
And she replies: "Only the ones that catch my eye."
A guy stands in Times Square and hits two sticks.
A police officer walks up to him, thinks he's crazy, and asks, "What the hell are you doing?"
The man replies, "I keep the cougars away!"
The cop says, "There's not a mountain lion within a 1000 mile radius of here!"
The man smiles. "I know I'm doing a good job, right?"
Obama and Putin are walking on the beach.
Obama says: "We have big submarines that can stay under water for 6 weeks." Putin replies: "It's nothing, our submarines can stay under water for 10 weeks." Suddenly a submarine appears and a man sticks his head out and yells "Heil h**...! Do you have diesel?"
There's a Mexican, an American and a Canadian in a zeppelin...
The airship begins to fall from the sky, so the three men throw away everything they have brought with them that they don't need.
"There are too many of those in my country," says the Canadian, tossing a bunch of hockey sticks from the zeppelin.
The Mexican says, "There are too many of these in my country" and throws away his hat.
The American says: "There are too many of these in my country"...
And throw the Mexican off the zeppelin.
I recently came out as pansexual.
But only cast iron appeals to me.
I have tried coming out with teflon but it never sticks.
I think what they say is true:
"Once you go black you never come back"
A teacher asks the children how their weekend was...
And young Johnny said, "That was great, lady! My dad and I went inside!"
The teacher replies, "Johnny! The correct term is 'straight'."
"That's right, miss! You destroyed it!
My father, a Vietnam veteran, told me that there is one thing that children and adults always remember, no matter what their age.
NORTE**...
How many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One. You just put the bulb in the socket and wait for the world to revolve around you.
on the light side
Selfie sticks are also lightning rods.
I smell like maple syrup!
A momma mole, a daddy mole, and a baby mole all live in a little mole hole. One day, the daddy mole sticks his head out of the hole, sniffs the air, and says, "Yum!
The mother mole sticks her head out of the hole, sniffs, and says, "Mhh! I smell honey!
The baby mole tries to stick its head out of the hole to sniff the air, but can't because the larger moles get in the way. So she goes, "God, all I can smell is...
Molasses."
If you made a triangle with sticks...
Would it be twigonometry?
Exposed
Boy: Dad, I got suspended from school today.
Dad: WHAT?!?! BECAUSE?!
Child: A child said, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me."
Dad: Also?
Child: So I threw a dictionary at him.
Dad: That's my son.
I saw a horror movie about pogo sticks.
Too many jump scares.
I tried to find some spare RAM sticks in our storage room, but couldn't find any...
Because it was SO-DIMM.
There are three moles in one hole.
when one of them smells something.
The mole sticks its head out of the hole and says:
"I smell pancakes!"
A second mole hears him and sticks his head out of the same hole and says:
"I smell pancakes too!"
The third mole rushes to investigate, but is already stuck in the entrance behind the other moles.
"All I smell is molasses!"
The man puts his finger in the socket
What happens next will surprise you.
"What's that in your pocket?"
"A knife, a box of matches, some gasoline and some sticks of dynamite"
"No, that other thing there"
"Oh, just a pack of waffles"
"I'm sorry you can't take this to the theater"
What do you call a bunch of breadsticks?
a basset
A boy and his grandfather are playing outside...
A boy and his grandfather are playing outside. You see a worm coming out of a hole.
"I bet you $5 you can't put the worm back in that hole," said Grandpa.
The boy's eyes light up and he runs towards the house. He returns with a bottle of hairspray and sprays the worm until it's stiff, then sticks it in the hole.
The battered grandfather gives the boy $5 and takes the bottle of hairspray. He goes into the house and the boy continues to play.
A while later, the grandfather comes back outside and gives the boy $10.
"But grandfather, you already gave me the money for the bet," the boy told him.
"Yeah, I know. *The* money is Grandma's."
So there are these two beavers...
One is called Joe and the other Steven. Joe and Steven have a fire. Joe decides that he's hungry, so he grabs a frying pan and some sticks.
Steven runs up and says, "Joe, what are you doing?" And he's like, "I'm just grilling some sticks."
Steven immediately knocks the pan off Joe's leg and says
"JOE, THIS IS A NON-STICK PAN"
"The neighbors hate us."
"The neighbors hate us."
"Because?"
"Well, remember when we had that campfire in my backyard and roasted marshmallows?"
"Yeah, that was really fun."
"And do you remember how the house up the street caught fire and all these fire trucks came and we ran to see what was happening and the wife was crying in her husband's arms and they all gave us funny looks?"
"Yeah, I remember! I was wondering what we did..."
"We were still holding our marshmallow sticks."
Have you heard of the man who was arrested for throwing rocks and sticks into the river?
There was damning evidence.
Why doesn't Popeye need a lust...?
Because it has Olive Oil..
Prima:
What does Popeye do to keep his favorite tool from rusting?
He puts it in olive oil.
In my day, you could walk into a supermarket for five cents and buy three licorice bars and some lemonade.
Now? Surveillance cameras everywhere.
The year is 2017.
There are machines that can see through skin and see bone. There are machines that keep you alive when your brain and heart stop. There's even a machine that can tell you who your parents are with just a drop of saliva. However, when I need my prostate checked, a man sticks his finger up my ass...and wiggles it around a bit.
What do you call a bird that clings to trees?
Velcro.
(Thanks and credit to u/HRduffNstuff for rephrasing my original post :) )
People who use selfie sticks...
You need to take a good long look at yourself
The old man tells the old woman I bet you can't guess how old I am.
She replies that I bet I can. open your pants
The boy is surprised, but plays along. The woman reaches into his pants and caresses him for a few minutes before saying, You're 83!
The old man is amazed and says I am 83 years old! How did you know?
The old woman says: You told me yesterday.
A mother mole, a father mole and a baby mole are together in their den
Mama Mole pokes her head up and sniffs the air. She asks, "What's that smell? Is that brown sugar?"
Papa Mole pokes his head in to sniff: "No, I don't think so. It smells like vanilla to me."
The baby mole, still under construction, says, "I don't know what you're talking about. I can only smell the molasses!"
An old man takes his grandson to play golf
When they got to the first hole, Grandpa says, you know, when I was your age I could hit the ball right over that big ash tree over there. The boy looks and sees that it's a big hit and he doesn't want to finish, he punches him right in the middle and it sticks right into the trunk. Standing there, impressed by his grandfather's achievement, the man finished his comment: "Of course, when I was your age, that tree was about 3 feet tall.
There is a Greek myth about a stream whose waters stick to your skin for all eternity.
the river sticks
A teacher asked her class, "What the fuck is...?"
Johnny got up and said:
"Damn... it's a *temptation*
Caused by a *feeling*
Where a child records their *location*
In a girl *points*
To increase the *population*
For the next *generation*
Did you understand my *explanation*?
Or do you need a *demo?*"
Then the teacher fainted.
A man shouts: "Guys, listen to me! I am the son of Satan!" from the window of an asylum.
Another sticks his head out and yells:
"Don't listen to him, he's a maniac! I don't have a son!"
People say that sticks and stones can break your bones, but words can never hurt you.
Unless you live in Skyrim, where words can kill you.
A blonde was walking down the street with her headphones on.
A friend of hers stops her and tries to talk to her.
The blonde just stares at her, keeps the headphones in her ears for the friend to remove and the blonde stops breathing.
The friend quickly puts her earplugs back on and she starts breathing again.
The friend tries again and the blonde stops breathing.
The friend just pulls out an earplug and puts it in his ear and listens,
Inhale, exhale, inhale...
Chinese and Indian troops fought each other with sticks and stones...
Looks like they decided to go straight to World War 4.
After one orchestra drummer played particularly poorly, the conductor sarcastically told him, "If they find someone who can't play an instrument, they give them two sticks and make them the drummer."
The drummer replied, "And if he can't play that either, take a stick off him and do it the conductor."
Two Covid deniers are walking through the woods when they come across a sheep...
Two Covid deniers were walking through the woods when they saw a sheep with its head caught in a fence.
The first denier drops his pants and gets to work.
Finally, he turns to his friend and says, "Now it's your turn."
The other Covid denier then sticks his head in the fence.
Yesterday I had a heated discussion with an art historian.
We agreed on whether I should order curly fries or mozzarella sticks with my burger.
p**...took two stuffed dogs to the traveling antique show
"Oh!" said the presenter, "This is a rare breed, do you have any idea what they would get if they were in good condition?"
"sticks". she replied p**....
Long ago, when people cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft...
Today it's called golf.
2 friends were driving home when one said;
Can you check if my check engine light is working?
Then the other friend sticks his head out the window and says;
yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no
Once my family and I wanted to bake some marshmallows over a campfire.
We had the marshmallow sticks ready when we heard sirens. We all ran out to see what was going on. The neighbor's house was on fire and I saw many firefighters trying to control the fire. The neighbors looked at us with pure disgust. That's when I realized we were still holding marshmallow sticks.
my grandfather was the best drummer in the world
He practiced 18 hours a day, seven days a week, every day of the year.
Morning, noon and night he was b**... away with his drumsticks, so dedicated he didn't even own a drum kit, preferring to lend a hand with old cookie jars, bottles and whatever he wanted.
He was still playing until he died at the age of 86 when my grandmother stabbed him in the throat with a fork.
Three moles live together in a hole.
One day, a pancake breakfast is set up around the mole's hole. One of the three moles pokes its head out of the hole and says, "I smell syrup!"
The second mole pokes its head out of the hole and says, "I smell ketchup!"
The third mole tries to get its head out of the hole but can't because the other two block it. Frustrated, he says, "I just smell molasses!"
The man buys a talking centipede.
Man buys a $5,000 talking centipede and takes it home in a small box.
When he gets home, he opens the box and says, "Would you like to go get a beer?"
The centipede does not answer...
Raising his voice, he repeats the question, still unanswered.
30 minutes later he gets angry thinking he's been scammed and shouts the question out loud.
Then the centipede pokes its head out of its box and says, "First time I've heard you... putting my damn shoes on."
What do you call a bird that sticks to things?
A 'vel' raven
parrot with lazy mouth
An old lady has a parrot with a dirty vocabulary. She keeps warning him to clean up her language. He just replies: "S\*!#w you, old B\*\^$h.
So she grabs him and puts him in the fridge to teach him a lesson.
As the poor parrot stands in the fridge chilling, he discovers a chicken, plucked and ready for the oven. He yells, "Shit...! What did you say to her!"
I used to believe that sticks and stones could break my bones, but words could never hurt me.
But then they hit me with a dictionary.
The thing that is big and furry and sticks out of your pajamas at night.
Your head
The neighbors hate us.
"The neighbors hate us."
"Because?"
"Well, remember when we had that campfire in my backyard and roasted marshmallows?"
"Yeah, that was really fun."
"And do you remember how the house up the street caught fire and all these fire trucks came and we ran to see what was happening and the wife was crying in her husband's arms and they all gave us funny looks?"
"Yeah, I remember! I was wondering what we did..."
"We were still holding our marshmallow sticks."
People who use selfie sticks...
You really need to take a good look at yourself!
What does Popeye do to keep his favorite tool from rusting?
Put it in olive oil...
My girlfriend got mad when I threw incense sticks at her.
She was outraged.
hunting fun
One day, two men are out hunting and come across a sheep with its head stuck in the fence. The first guy says to his friend, "Man, I'm not going to lie. It's been a while. That sheep looks great."
The second guy says, "Sure dude. Do it. I won't tell anyone."
So the first one drops his pants and gets away with the sheep.
The second guy says, "I'm not going to lie, that looked really funny.
The first says, "Sure, do it."
So the second guy comes up, drops his pants, and sticks his head in the fence.
If the old slow ones use canes, what do the old fast ones use?
Hurry sticks.
I just caught my idiot husband trying to fry some sticks
I didn't know it was a coated pan.
Not even sushi is safe.
My wife and I had sushi, she ordered a rainbow roll and asked if I wanted a slice.
I told him I'd take the piece at the end... Just for the halibut.
I was surprised at how well he controlled the urge to stab myself with his chopsticks.
Why don't pigeons reverberate?
A lullaby remains.
I like this new trend of sticking things on the wall and calling it art.
I hope it gets caught.
The sound of a musician on stage bounces off the walls of the auditorium and surrounds the audience.
The sound of a dove does not do this, the reason is cooing.
¿Appetizers?
A guy and his date go to a bar and order drinks and mozzarella sticks. After a while, the bartender checks on them again. "Hey guys, how are the mozzarella sticks?" asks the bartender. "Great, thanks," the guy replies. "Great. Want some snacks?" asks the bartender. "No, it's good on plates," the boy replies.
What part of Popeye never rusts?
The part that says Olive Oyl.
We change shifts at the fish finger factory at the mill station....
I was at the end of my shift, splattered with fried oil and had my hand on the corkscrew to get some bone out. My colleague, in his new start-of-shift uniform, stepped up to help and his dried cotton sleeve caught and he was dragged to a gruesome death. As he stood there and watched in horror, I thought to myself...
There, but for the cod fat I go…
Two Sticks had an appointment, but it did not flash.
It was a bad game.
A family of moles at an early morning breakfast.
Big Daddy Mole pokes his head out of the hole and sniffs the air, then says, "I smell pancakes!"
Then the big mother mole sticks her head out of the hole, sniffs the air, and says, "I smell pancakes!"
Then the little baby mole waddles between the big daddy mole and the mommy mole, sniffing the air and yelling, "I smell molasses!"
bear and rabbit
A bear and a rabbit made a bunch in the woods and the bear turned to the rabbit and said that we eat many of the same things. I'm curious. Does shit stick to your fur? The bunny replied that the only good thing about being so fluffy is that the shit never sticks to my fur. With that, the bear quickly picked up the rabbit and wiped his rear with it.
Why did the chicken want to join a rock band?
He was the only one with a set of drumsticks...
Have you seen the scary movie review about pogo sticks?
It has its ups and downs, but too many scares for me.
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