100+ funny joke quotes that are crazy (2023)

Hey, are you looking for funny quotes to laugh out loud at all your worries? we got you

Laughter is indeed the best medicine for our soul. It reduces stress, lowers blood pressure, and most importantly, laughter can be our ab workout. Let's stay healthy while being literally happy!

It's time to laugh, relax and be funny with this collection of funny joke quotes!

Hilarious joke quotes for you

There's no harm in working on your personal development while having a hilarious laugh!

So why not scan these funny joke quotes and laugh until your stomach hurts during your ME time?

• It's not that I'm crazy, it's just that sometimes I'm normal.- Unknown

• My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I had forgotten.- Unknown

• I'm multitasking: I listen, ignore and forget all at the same time.- Unknown

• It was a very busy day to convert oxygen into carbon dioxide.- Unknown

• Be the kind of woman that when your feet hit the ground the devil screams, "Oh shit, she's on top!"- Unknown

• My winter fat is finally gone. Now I have spring rolls.- Unknown

• Low self-esteem is like driving with the handbrake on.– Maxwell Maltz

• I'm not particularly smart or particularly talented. I'm really, really curious.- Albert Einstein

• People say nothing is impossible, but every day I do nothing.– A. A. Milne, Winnie Puuh

• Yes, I'm weird, weird is good. Normal is overrated.– Mad-D

• My heels stay high along with my standards.- Unknown

• You've been criticizing yourself for years and it hasn't worked. Try to approve yourself and see what happens.– Louise L. Hay

• I was born to make mistakes, not to fake perfection.– Drake

• My nickname should be AGB as I am often ignored.- Unknown

• I have an eating disorder. I'm about to eat messy pizza, messy fries, and messy nuggets.- Unknown

• Your problem is that you're too busy clinging to your unworthiness.– Ram Dass

• Although committing suicide is a crime, I want to kill the sexiest person alive.- Unknown

• Failure is like fertilizer; it stinks, but it makes things grow faster in the future.–Denis Waitley

• I'm not lazy. I'm putting myself on hold now!- Unknown

• I have a blue square painted in my backyard to make Google Earth think I have a pool.- Unknown

• I used to run but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.–David Lee Roth

• I'm a comedian. Only I understand my jokes.- Unknown

• A pessimist is a person who has had to listen to many optimists.– Don Marquis

• If you are looking for someone to change your life, first look in the mirror.- Unknown

• I'm a queen because I know how to govern myself.– Lailah Gifty Akita

• Self-love often seems unrequited.-Anthony Powell

• Let's start by taking a nap or two.– A. A. Milne (Winnie Puuh)

• Hello haters, the word "awesome" ends with "me" and the word "ugly" starts with "u".- Unknown

• I used to love the nerdy sweets, but I stopped eating them when I realized it was basically cannibalism for me.– Rob O'Reilly

• My favorite piece of equipment at the gym is the vending machine.– Caroline Reia

• I'm in shape Round is a shape.– Jorge Carlin

Funny joke quote for your family and friends

Get ready for your next moments of connection with family and friends. Make sure you take note of these funny joke quotes and share with them.

It's time to make everyone laugh, laugh and laugh!

• When our phones go down, we get nervous. When our friends fall, we laugh.- Unknown

• I'm trying to see it from your perspective, but I can't stretch my head that far.- Unknown

• I finally realized that a cell phone is a prison... that's why it's called a "cell phone".- Unknown

• After a policeman stopped me and asked for "papers", I replied: "Scissors, I won!" and I left.- Unknown

• I'm always late for the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.– Karl Lam

• It's amazing how the amount of news that happens in the world every day always fits right in the newspaper.-Jerry Seinfeld

• As soon as you let Mo-Fos slide, they start to believe they know how to skate.- Unknown

• Laughing at our mistakes can prolong our own lives. Laughing at someone else can shorten it.-Cullen Hightower

• Some people need a good high five. In the face. With a chair.- Unknown

• My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now and we don't know where the hell she is.-Ellen Degenerates

• When I'm sad, I sing to cheer myself up. Most of the time, my voice makes things worse.- Unknown

• Dear life, when I asked, "Can this day get any worse?" I was just asking a rhetorical question, not a challenge.- Unknown

• Sometimes I can't see with my eyes closed.- Unknown

• Go left if nothing works.- Unknown

• My favorite cardio workout is a mix of lunges and sit-ups that I call lunch.- Unknown

• Toilet paper is a good example of what you don't notice until you run out of it.- Unknown

• I hate it when guys say girls are weak. Sorry, but can you bleed for seven days straight and not die? I don't believe.- Unknown

• It seems really weird that after Tuesday the rest of the week means WTF.- Unknown

• You love flowers, but you cut them. You love animals, but you eat them. Now that you said you love me, I'm scared!- Unknown

• Broccoli says "I'm shaped like a little tree", Mushroom says "I'm shaped like an umbrella", Walnut says "I look like a brain" and Banana says "Can we change the subject?"- Unknown

• Hey math, get up and find out for yourself. I'm tired of solving your problems for you.- Unknown

• Don't worry if Plan A fails, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet.- Unknown

• If eating at night is bad, then why should there be a light in the fridge?- Unknown

• I walked the block five times yesterday morning. Then I got really tired, so I put the block back in the toy box.- Unknown

• Laugh a lot. It burns a lot of calories.- Jessica Simpson

• Smile while you have teeth, life is short.- Unknown

• Nature hates vacuum cleaners, but not as much as cats.- Unknown

• A bank is a place that lends you money if you prove you don't need it.-Bob Hope

• Growing up, my family's menu consisted of two options: take it or leave it.- Buddy Hackett

The funniest quotes from the funniest people

Enjoy these funny quotes and witty sayings from the funniest people we've ever met that are sure to make everyone laugh!

• I intend to live forever. So far so good.-Steven Wright

• Rice is great when you're hungry and want 2000 of something.– Mitch Hedberg

• Here's some advice: When interviewing them, say you're willing to give 110 percent. Unless the work is statistical.- Comedian Adam Gropman

• The best way to teach your kids about taxes is to eat 30% of their ice cream.-Bill Murray

• I'm writing a book. I made the page numbers.-Steven Wright

• I always wanted to be someone, but now I see that I should have been more specific.– Lily Tomlin

• Many people are afraid of heights. I don't, I'm afraid of open spaces.-Steven Wright

• Knowledge is like underwear. It's useful to have, but it's not necessary to show.-Bill Murray

• I've written a few children's books...not on purpose.-Steven Wright

• I tried to dream, but my mind kept wandering.-Steven Wright

• When life gives you lemons, throw them in the eye.– Cathy Guisewite

• I come from a very difficult area. Once a guy attacked me with a knife. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter in it.-Rodney Dangerfield

• That's why they call it the American dream, because you have to sleep to believe it.– Jorge Carlin

• If you are very open minded; Your brain will fall out.– Lawrence Ferlinghetti

• Don't take life too seriously. You won't get out of there alive.– Elbert Hubbard

• Some people just have a way with words, and other people… oh… not.-Steve Martin

• The four most beautiful words in our colloquial language: I warned you.– Gore Vidal

• I bought one of those tapes to teach you Spanish in your sleep. The tape skipped overnight. Now I can only stutter in Spanish.-Steven Wright

• We started to crave the tapping of little feet, so we bought a dog. It's cheaper and you get more feet.–Rita Rudner

• How can you be late for something in London? They have a huge clock in the middle of the city.-Jimmy Kimmel

• I don't know if ghosts and goblins are real, but there's always more trick or treating than the neighborhood kids.– Robert Brault

• What do they plant to grow the seedless watermelon?-Jerry Seinfeld

• If contra is the opposite of pro, isn't Congress the opposite of progress?-Jon Stewart

• What should you do if you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?– Jorge Carlin

• Try an internship! Internships give you all the experience of a summer job without the hassle of a paycheck.-Stefan Colbert

• My kitchen floor is sticky and I needed to do something about it. So I finally went out and bought flip flops.– Sara Silbermann

• You know it's time to do the laundry when you dry yourself off with sneakers.- Zach Galifianakis

• The worst time for a heart attack is during a game of charades.–Demetri Martin

• If truth is beauty, why doesn't anyone get their hair done in a library?– Lily Tomlin

• If you cannot defeat them, arrange for them to be defeated.– Jorge Carlin

• Where there is a will, there is a kinship.– Rick Gervais

• I spent four years in college. I didn't learn anything. It was really my own fault. I had a double degree in psychology and reverse psychology.– B. J. Novak

• Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't make eight cats pull a sled in the snow.–Jeff Valdez

• My dog ​​was my soul mate; We both nap, we both skip lunch, we both hate the vacuum...– Elayne Boosler

• It is better to remain silent and be considered a fool than to speak and remove all doubts.- Abraham Lincoln

• Men marry women hoping they will never change. Women marry men hoping they will change. Both are invariably disappointed.- Albert Einstein

• At every party there are two types of people - those who want to go home and those who don't. The problem is that they are usually married to each other.– Ann Landers

• To make sure you hit the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit.– Ashleigh Brillant

• Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.– Erma Bombeck

• If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I'd love to do that for you.– Groucho Marx

• You tried your best and failed miserably. The lesson is: never try."-Homer Simpson

• My pessimism reached the point where I distrusted even the sincerity of other pessimists.– Jean Rostand

Did these funny joke quotes brighten your day and ease your stress? Share and comment on your posts in the comment box below so we can add them too.

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Go to Pinterest to stay motivated and positive in lifeinspirational quotes.

To end it, remember that a day without laughing is a day wasted! Being happy and having a good laugh is a proven way to make you look younger. It's free, so why not make the most of it!

Life is a gift to be enjoyed, so laugh all your worries away.